Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
