I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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