I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
