Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
the liver wants what the liver wants
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
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