Ambien. No doubt about it.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Couch. On fire.
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