Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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