come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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