A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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