not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
