I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
is it fun? or sober?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
