Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
