I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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