I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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