Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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