discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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