Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I can't trust your balls anymore.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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