The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
