I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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