Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
