my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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