Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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