I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
