what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
