he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
