Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
