nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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