the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
