I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
