I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
