I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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