Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
