I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
