i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you didnt know i had herpes?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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