just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
