Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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