So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
