I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just pee around me
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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