my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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