Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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