Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
