oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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