I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
