it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
