Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
