haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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