so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
