just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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