I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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