I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
