you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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