im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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