So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
