I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
