All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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