When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
