dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
