I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
