see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
