I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
