Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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