you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
dude. I can hear the air.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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