I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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