My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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