seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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