Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
