he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
