Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
