Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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