yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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