But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
