there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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