if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
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Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
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I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
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