I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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