You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
