running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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