I will die if light touches me.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize