I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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