You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
