two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
