so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
