Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
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I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
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I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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