One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
