I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
