PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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