He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
