I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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