i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
