We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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